For the past 2-3 years I’ve been having this ongoing love-hate relationship with the Tinder Dating app. It’s a free app that gives you the option of swiping left (no) or right (yes) on a persons profile picture. If you both swipe right you’ll get notified that you have a match. Then you’ll have the option of starting a text conversation within the app and depending on the vibes you can decide if you want to talk more outside of the app and exchange Kiks or phone numbers.
Now that you’re all caught up, I’ve typically swiped left on a lot of white men. I just have a preference but from time to time, I’ll swipe right on a handsome white guy and see if he’ll eventually do the same with me. Now for me, it’s never gone further than exchanging numbers-no well there was that one time. But every other time, it’s only gone as far as texting. But here’s one thing I’ve always noticed.
The white men that I’ve matched with have always offered me money. Some have blatantly brought up a sugar daddy/sugar baby situationship and others have just wanted to throw money my way for a “fun time”. We all know what that means. Now most women would probably be in arms, ready to go off because in their opinion that is being utterly disrespectful. And I totally get where they are coming from. But I don’t agree. Here’s why:
I’m a single mom and I’ve got bills to pay. Now mind you- I’ve never been offered less than $200 for me to consider a “fun-time”, if I had, maybe I would feel insulted-like a cheap Backpage listing. But I seem to attract the caliber of white men willing to to spend a room at the Ritz kind of money.
With black men, the norm is Netflix and chill and a bottle of booze. Nobody come for me, I’ve seen the meme about the break down of Netflix and Chill. But we can do that on a bad weather kind of day long after we’ve settled into our relationship. Not on the first date.
I was having this conversation with a black man that I matched with on Tinder and I told him that white men understand that they have to pay for a woman’s time and black men are in denial about that. He of course didn’t agree with me. He was under the illusion that money shouldn’t be a factor at all in the relationship and if it is, then that woman is a gold digger and superficial. Here’s how I broke it down to him…
When a female enters the dating scene, she is looking for 3 main things in the opposite sex:
- Attractiveness/ Confidence
- Personality/Conversation Skills
- Financial Stability
Usually in the first 6 seconds, women can tell whether or not you’d ever bed her, and in the first 5 minutes, she can tell whether or not she’ll want to talk to you again. Now for the most part, black men have no issues passing these 2 stages. It’s when we get to stage 3: what’s in your account, things start to get shaky.
According to the guy I was talking to he shouldn’t have to pay for much during the dating stage of the relationship. The girl is not his wife. In the off chance she needs some financial assistance months into the relationship, he would have no problems helping her from time to time as long as he doesn’t feel that she is “using” him. He also stated that he doesn’t agree in going out to fancy restaurants and taking on the bill by himself, he’d ask her to go “Dutch”. On the other hand, going to Wendy’s or Burger King is fine with him.
When I asked him where he got this logic from he told me his father. Therein lies the problem. This notion is being passed down generations and we women are suffering. The conversation went on and he was adamant that money has really no priority in the relationship, its all about love and communication.
I told him that there is a direct relationship with sex and money and you won’t get much of sex if you are not willing to put out the cash, even when you’re married you’re still paying for the pussy. Of course he didn’t believe me and some of you reading may not either so here is what I said that changed his mind:
Let’s say you’re married right now, and you’re wife stops having sex with you but continues to love and communicate with you and be the best possible significant other, how would you feel? Would you still want to pay for her dinner when you go out? Will you still want to give her spending money when she wants to go shopping? Why do you think most married men are able to to maintain mistresses? Its all about that paper.
Bottomline: Black men, you’ll be able to get to her bedroom faster if you would stop being a cheapskate. White men know this and they have no problem being upfront with what they want. #Respect
Let me know you’re thoughts in the comments below. Did I sway your thinking? Until next time…
I see the world differently than most. It’s only fair that I share my views by writing and maybe help someone in need sift through their mental confusion.